I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
