Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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