I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
