Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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