somebody snuck up and got me drunk
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
