I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Less talking, more tequila
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
