Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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