Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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