woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
