no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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