I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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