in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
