WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the day after is always just damage control
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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