Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
