Sorry, I don't speak sober.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
