If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
