good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
