i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
