You smell like a Billy Joel song
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
