if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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