I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
