And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
