Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I touched a dick in church today
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
