Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
