And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
