I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
only if we run a train.
done.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
