I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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