you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
