is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
