yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
