You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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