you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
