4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
