dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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