Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
