I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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