I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
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