So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
im having a threesome with these popsicles
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
