i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize