we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
