The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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