My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
