First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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