You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
