respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
