I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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