matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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