I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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