Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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