just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
