i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I lost the right to judge tonight
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
