Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
