Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
