so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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