I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
