angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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