he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
