It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
