I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
