Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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