I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
