He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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