Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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