hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
