im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
